A Lost and Broken Soul
by EchoesOfABrokenSoul
Summary: Jade West is a lost and broken soul without Beck Oliver. Not that she'd ever let anyone see this. Jade West doesn't need Beck Oliver. It is the biggest lie she has ever told. This one-shot deals with what's running through Jade's head after Beck leaves the door closed between them in The Worst Couple.


She doesn't even make it to the car before the tears tumble from her eyes. They come in an unstoppable torrent, rolling down her cheeks and leaving trails of black makeup swirling in their wake. Her hands shake uncontrollably as she gets in the car and jams the keys into the ignition.

She doesn't care that Beck won't have a ride home, since they drove to the Vega home together in her car. She just needs to get out of here, because DANG it!

_ No one sees Jade West cry. _

She grips the steering wheel like it's her lifeline, and doesn't hesitate before peeling out of the driveway and tearing down the road. Nevermind the fact that she can hardly see, nor has any idea where she's going. Her breaths come in ragged gasps as she slams the heal of one hand into an eye in a vain attempt to stem the flow of tears. Anyone she'd even come close to calling a friend was back at stupid _Tori Vega's_ house. Beck's RV is obviously off-limits. She can't go back to her house – her house had never been home to her, and she thinks she might shatter if she has to face her dad telling her that he was right from the start. That Beck was no different than any other boy. That she was a fool for letting herself care about him, because he'd just leave her with a broken heart.

_Because who could love a girl like Jade West?_

She ends up pulling into the Hollywood Arts parking lot; there's no where else to go. With a flip of the ignition switch the engine dies, the lights dim, and she's bathed in darkness. She curls her body into a tight ball in her seat, buries her face in her knees, wraps her arms around her legs, and digs her black-painted finger nails into into the flesh of her arms. The silence presses hard against her ears, interrupted only by her muffled sobs.

_She'd lost Beck._

A strangled cry escapes her lips, a sound more animal than human. The echo of a broken soul.

They'd broken up before, but this time was different. This time had a sense of such finality to it that made her chest ache in an unbearable way, the likes of which she'd never felt before. _God_ how was she supposed to go on without him? He was the first person in her life to ever care about her. _Really_ care about _her_, the girl she was on the inside instead of the tough exterior she showed the world. Before him, her life had been a constant sinking into a dark pit. She had no friends. Her own _parents_ didn't even like her. She didn't care; she liked it that way. Jade West didn't need anyone. And then stupid _Beck Oliver_ had to go and worm his way into heart.

Jade specialized in hating many things, but perhaps at the very top of that list, for a while, at least, was the fact that Beck had to power to make her _care._ Beck had shown her a side to life that she had never been able to experience. That there was more to life than bitterness. That it was ok to be _happy_.

And this, _this_ is why she was so afraid of loosing him. Because without him in it, her life would go back to what it was before. Dark. _Alone._

_After having him constantly by her side, she was so terrified of being left alone._

She bites her lip to stifle another sob, so hard that it bleeds. The metallic tang of bloods spreads across her tongue, and for a moment the sharp pain is a welcome distraction. She is so very, very lost without him.

She had been so sure he'd follow her out that door. So sure he wouldn't actually follow through with his threats. And he'd left her standing there, the door closed between them. She hates herself for yelling at him, for not being able to show him how much he means to her. She'd been so close to going back inside for him, but she didn't. She didn't go back for him because, maybe, he'd be happier without her.

_He deserves someone better than this broken girl._

It didn't even occur to her that maybe something similar had been going through his mind. Maybe he'd let her go because there was a chance she would be better off without him.

And now, sitting in the car, she tires to hate him, because hating things is something she knows how to do. This feeling here, like she's slowly drowning, like her chest might split, she doesn't have any idea what to do with. She tries so hard to hate him, but she can't. Jade is a girl full of hate and bitterness, but she can never manage to direct it towards Beck for long.

She hates that she loves him. For some reason she can't identify, though, she doesn't want to stop loving him, either.

The next morning, she goes back to her house and climbs into her room through the window so she doesn't have to see her father. He wouldn't care where she'd been, and he wouldn't ask, but he'd see stains the tears left on her porcelain face, and his long, cold stare would be enough to let her know that he knew. After all, there wasn't much that could make Jade cry.

She wipes the tears from her face and paints on her mask of black around her eyes. She clads her self from head to toe in her usual black like it's armor. She forces herself to go to school, because she'd look weak if she didn't. Jade hates looking weak. She hides the broken girl from last night behind the tough persona that everyone knows, and makes herself appear indifferent to the whole situation.

Jade West doesn't need Beck Oliver.

_It is the biggest lie she has ever told. _

_ No matter how hard she tries, she could never stop loving him._


End file.
